Death is all like, 'Fuck you, dude' and I'm all like 'No, FUCK YOU, dude!', with two middle fingers all up in his grill. Please take note how I toned it down once I got to the word, 'dude'. You can't scream that word. It's oxymoronic. In every sense of the word.
My younger cousin took his own life over the weekend. His battle with addiction became too much for him to bear, or so I'm told. Although my cousin and I hadn't been close since we were kids, his death impacted me tremendously because of how he died. If someone gets hit by a bus or dies in a plane crash, well, I can't relate to that. But if somebody commits suicide, well, now that I can relate to since I've attempted suicide twice myself.
My first suicide attempt was done by taking 60 Xanax. Apparently, that little cocktail wasn't enough so a few months later I took 60 more Xanax, 15 serroquel (sleeping pills for crazy people), and I smoked twenty dollars worth of crack. Well, probably more like ten bucks because that homeless dude was taking bigger hits than I was.
Neither attempt worked, thankfully. I guess it wasn't my time. Unfortunately, for my little cousin, his time had come. He leaves behind a beautiful little girl that is going to be raised without parents because her mother committed suicide a few years ago. Sad story, actually. But I have never heard a good story about death.
Addiction is a ruthless, insidious disease and I wish I could cure it. I wish I knew how to fill those voids in our lives that only addiction could fill. I was an addict because I wanted to be an addict. I wanted to get high to help me forget. I needed to get high to assist with filling that empty hole that I carried around as a child that grew every year until I succumbed to it and attempted suicide.
I tried meds, therapists, exercise, drinking, and not drinking and nothing worked. Except love. Love cured my addiction. I stopped hating myself and I began to love me. I just woke up one day in the hospital and I said, 'Enough!' I decided that I deserved greatness. I decided that I deserved love.
So if you struggle from addiction, feel free to hit me up. I love you. You should try loving you too. You deserve it.
My younger cousin took his own life over the weekend. His battle with addiction became too much for him to bear, or so I'm told. Although my cousin and I hadn't been close since we were kids, his death impacted me tremendously because of how he died. If someone gets hit by a bus or dies in a plane crash, well, I can't relate to that. But if somebody commits suicide, well, now that I can relate to since I've attempted suicide twice myself.
My first suicide attempt was done by taking 60 Xanax. Apparently, that little cocktail wasn't enough so a few months later I took 60 more Xanax, 15 serroquel (sleeping pills for crazy people), and I smoked twenty dollars worth of crack. Well, probably more like ten bucks because that homeless dude was taking bigger hits than I was.
Neither attempt worked, thankfully. I guess it wasn't my time. Unfortunately, for my little cousin, his time had come. He leaves behind a beautiful little girl that is going to be raised without parents because her mother committed suicide a few years ago. Sad story, actually. But I have never heard a good story about death.
Addiction is a ruthless, insidious disease and I wish I could cure it. I wish I knew how to fill those voids in our lives that only addiction could fill. I was an addict because I wanted to be an addict. I wanted to get high to help me forget. I needed to get high to assist with filling that empty hole that I carried around as a child that grew every year until I succumbed to it and attempted suicide.
I tried meds, therapists, exercise, drinking, and not drinking and nothing worked. Except love. Love cured my addiction. I stopped hating myself and I began to love me. I just woke up one day in the hospital and I said, 'Enough!' I decided that I deserved greatness. I decided that I deserved love.
So if you struggle from addiction, feel free to hit me up. I love you. You should try loving you too. You deserve it.
