My Favorite Male Escort Story

To my female readers:  I'm apologizing in advance.
To my male readers:  Eat your fuckin hearts out.

Little Un-well-known fact about Big Mike:  While living in Las Vegas, I was a Male Escort.  (Please note the accentuated capitalized letters on 'Male Escort'.  It makes it look much more professional than actually calling it what it was: a prostitute).  Oh well, no sense in sugar coating it.  I'm actually rather proud of my 11-month stint as a male escort.  I got paid to have sex.  When you're a guy getting paid to have sex, you're the fucking MAN.  When you're a woman, you're a dirty whore.  You don't have to say it ladies, I know, i know.  That sucks.  It truly does.  I didn't make up that rule, so please blame the twisted society we live in.  Me personally, some of my best relationships were with prostitutes/strippers/tricks, so you know i have nothing but love for you.  Granted, these relationships only lasted a week or two, but they were a shitload of fun.  Okay, enough about them.  Back to the Greatest Job Ever.

So I'll give you the basics of how being an escort works.  I go 'On Call' by calling up the agency and telling them that 'Derek' (my escort code name) is now 'On Call'.  I then just chill out and wait for my phone to ring.  Once I do get the call, it's a dispatcher telling me which casino I need to 'check into'.  I call the agency back when i arrive in the lobby, and then I'm given the room number and name of the guest.  Most of the time, I can go straight up to the room.  Other times, I have to sneak past a security guard that's checking room keys, but I usually either had an extra key for that casino or I'd slide by using a variety of tricks and ploys. 

Once I get to the room I ask the customer (or 'mark') what type of fun they're looking to get into.  They would usually respond with some sort of scenario or fantasy that they've previously played out in their minds a hundred times before making the trip to sin city.  I tell them that the $200 they were quoted was only for my 'entertainment', it was the agency's fee, and this did not include any touching at all.  I would then quote them a few hundred bucks more and tell them that my money or 'tip' that I'm paid, is for whatever they were looking to do.  I'll get more into detail about this whole process, as well as some of the various odd requests I had during my time as an escort, in a later post.

So once I had all my money, I would call and 'check in' to the agency.  Once that process was complete, it was time.  Time for Big Mike to put it down. - cue 70's funk porn music -

So now that you know the process involved, here's one of my personal favorites:

I got the call about 9:30 on a Thursday night.  I quickly grabbed the phone on the second ring after reading my agency's name on the caller i.d., "Hello". 

"Hey Derek baby, i need you at Circus Circus".

As she uttered the last two words of that sentence i could only let out an exhaustive *sigh* and respond with a half-hearted, "okay baby, i'll call you in a few". 

You can always tell about how much you're going to make depending on the Casino to which you're deployed.  The higher-end casinos, (MGM suites, Bellagio) is where you make your money.  The lower-end casinos (circus circus, el cortez), the less money you make.  So i was less than thrilled to hear I'd have to turn a trick at the one casino that's dumb enough to cater to kids.  "Welcome to Sin City, Kids!! The iconic-clown slot machines or on the left!!!" 

So I hopped in a cab and I was back on the phone with my agency only ten minutes later.  "Hey baby, this is Derek at Circus".

"Ok Derek, Room 234, last name is Johnson and it's a married couple.  Check-in amount is $150"

Shit.  The 'marks' have already negotiated their price down to $150.  Never a good sign for my wallet.

"Ok baby, I'll call you back in a minute." 

As always, I head to the bar for a quick drink because I need something to wash down the Xanax. 

Rule #1 of being a Male Escort:  Never Be Sober. 

I ordered a double bourbon and eagerly knocked down the two pills as I waited a few minutes for the cocktail to kick in.  I gave myself a quick pep talk, took a deep breath, and headed for the elevators.  No security guards to worry about in this dump. 

I gently rapped on the door and took one step back doing my best to look as suave and sexy as possible.  I'm greeted at the door by a middle-aged, average looking guy in his mid-40's.  As we walk into the room, the first thing I feel is the rush of power.  I feel it everytime.  It's why I love this job.  I just entered a hotel room where i'm about to encounter a couple that has a fantasy.  This fantasy is what prompted them to call my agency.  My agency sent me.  I'm the guy that helps people live out their fantasies.  Take a moment to think about how powerful of a role that is.  Go back and read the last few sentences.  Do you think I wanted to use that many italics?  You're damn right I didn't want to use that many italics, but I had to in order to stress to you exactly what it was that I did.

I was a fantasy-fulfiller.  With my trusty penis and my pills, there was no vagina alive that we could not conquer.

Immediately after my rush of adrenaline-filled power, I look to my right and I notice the beautiful blonde in bed wearing nothing but a sexy negligee that was barely concealing her enormous breasts.  Oh yeah.  If I wasn't so high right now I might actually jump for joy.  But in that state of mind, I'm way too smooth to jump for anything.  Derek was in full effect. 

As I followed this guy to the couch, he began to speak, "you know they said it's only $150.00". 

I replied, "I know sir, it is $150.00 for my entertainment but please be aware that this fee doesn't cover any touching at all, this is an agency fee.  What I work off of is tips, which is what I get paid and that is above and beyond the agency fee.  So what exactly did you have in mind?"

He was quickly irritated after learning he would have to pay more.  "I wasn't prepared to pay more than this." 

"Well sir, what exactly did you have in mind?"  I'm keeping the mark focused on what their fantasy is so I can stay in control of the situation.  My years of working in sales as a mortgage loan officer were finally paying off.  No close-ended questions being asked over here, pal.

"Well I was going to let you have sex with my wife, while I watched." he exclaimed.  "She and I had a threesome with one of her friends, so I told her that I'd return the favor, except i was just going to sit over here and watch." 

"Okay well to have sex, that's an additional $200.00."  I knew I was stretching  by asking for $200, especially in this dive hotel, but I had to start somewhere.  So why not start with my self-imposed minimum to have sex?

"Oh well I don't have that much."  he exclaimed.  His wife shot him an evil glare.

"Ok sir, well how much do you have?" 

"I have like a hunderd some bucks"

"Okay, I'll take $150".  I said with a grin, through gritted teeth.  As he hesitantly counted the money and continued grumbling, I kept glancing over at his wife and giving her sly smiles and winks.  Sometimes it's good to heat up the engine before you start revving it.  Take notes, gentlemen.

After a few more minutes of haggling me on the price, I was able to scrape $145.00 out of this cheap bastard.  He's lucky his wife is so fine because I think I just broke Rule #2.

Rule #2 of being a Male Escort:  Never fuck for less than $200. 

As you can see, I was in a forgiving mood that night and I wish I was able to tell you that this was my only time breaking one of my rules.  Unfortunately, it wasn't.

I snatched the money from him, tucked it into my pocket, and headed straight for the lucky lady waiting to claim her prize.  I climbed on the bed slowly as I kicked off my shoes.  "Hi, I'm Derek".

"My name's Patricia", she shyly replied.

I slowly pulled her hair back and quietly whispered in her ear with a voice that I purposely drop a few octaves (envision hearing a white Barry White), "Hello Patricia, do you have any rules that I should know about?"

"Just don't put it in my butt", she cooed.  Clearly, she was a romantic.

"Okay baby, I promise I won't".  My calm, confident voice giving her reassurance by using the word 'promise', and all the while embracing her tightly, attempting to make her feel secure in my arms.  I then slowwwwwwly worked my way down to her vagina where I slipped off her silk panties and I began to ravish her with licks and kisses.  I would occasionally glance over at the husband to see what he was up to and he was clearly not real thrilled to be watching this (or me) go down.  After several minutes, I felt her body tighten up and I knew she was getting ready to cum in my mouth.  She and I broke eye contact as her back arched and she lifted her torso into the air.  I gripped her by her thighs tightly, only releasing after I was certain her orgasm subsided. 

I heard his footsteps approach the bed as he bellows out, "I NEVER, EVER saw you react that way when I make you cum.  Your FUCKING eyes just rolled IN THE BACK OF YOUR FUCKING HEAD."

At first, all I was thinking was, "Way to Goooo Big MIIIiiike."

After a few milliseconds of inflating my already over-inflated ego, I then realized that this was all I needed to attempt an early exit. 

I slowly backed off the bed, gathering my clothes along the way, "Hey guys, clearly there's some unresolved issues here that you two need to discuss.  Frankly, I feel uncomfortable here and when I feel uncomfortable, I have to leave."  Short, sweet, to the point.  I thought for sure I'd be shown the door. 

Patricia locked eyes with her husband and shouted, "Now you got to do this already.  I gave you this already!!  This isn't for you.  This IS FOR ME!!"

I again quickly chimed in, "I'm sorry Patricia, but i can't stay here.  This isn't going to work.  I'm going to go."

She raised herself up to a kneeling position and she was now in the middle of the bed only a few feet from me me, and as she stared intensely into my eyes she calmly whispered, "Derek, what is it going to take to get you to stay?" 

At this point, I'm standing in my boxers with my eyes on her husband because he's my only threat of danger.  So I nodded at her husband, who was still fuming,  and I responded, "He's got to go".  I gave a scenario that I figured probably would never happen.

She looked over at her husband and quickly replied, "Honey, Bye".

He dropped his head and let out an exhaustive sigh as I could tell he was contemplating his options.   He then quickly grabbed his room key and wallet as he stomped out of the room and slammed the door.  Apparently, I was wrong.

Patricia didn't miss a beat as she reached forward and slowly pulled me on top of her. 

What was I going to do at that point?  Our early labor negotiations were previously resolved, and although we did have a short work stoppage, technically, I was still on the clock.  So I did what any 29 year old working man would do.  I got the job done.

Stay Tuned for 'My Most Profitable Male Escort Story', and one of my personal favorites, "My best Orgy Ever Created by Me Male Escort Story'.

Moral of this Story:  Uhh......Er.......don't be a Male Escort because you can't do it sober and you'll just be getting high all the time.